Man criticized for returning fiancee’s wedding dress at mother’s request


Comments hit a man on Reddit for returning his fiancee’s wedding dress behind her back after his mother picked another one.

The original poster (OP), known as u/Throwaway9757657, posted about the incident on the forum “Am I The A**hole?” on Friday where it received more than 18,000 upvotes and 9,100 comments. The message can be found here.

Mothers-in-law and conflict

Research shows that toxic mothers-in-law often have a hard time respecting boundaries and being inconsistent with their moods, causing additional stress for some individuals.

According to a study published in the journal Evolutionary Psychological Science, both men and women reported experiencing more conflict with their in-laws than with their biological parents. Nearly half of the respondents also said they experience more conflict with their mother-in-law than with their biological mothers.

This stock photo shows a wedding dress. Comments hit a man on Reddit for returning his fiancee’s wedding dress behind her back after his mother picked another one.


In the post titled: “AITA for my response when I learned that my fiancé had returned my wedding dress and replaced it with the one his mother chose for me?” the 28-year-old woman said she was getting married in December.

While saying she gets on well with her fiancé’s mom, the OP explained that she’s the “pushy type” but “nice in general.”

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“I hate to admit that planning a wedding has been an absolute nightmare,” the message read. “His mother disagreed on most things, and my fiancé said that since he is her only son, I should respect and value this ‘vision’ she has for the wedding and what it should be like.”

Recently, the OP went wedding dress shopping with her mother, some friends and her future mother-in-law who “urged” to go.

Although she found the dress she was looking for, she said her fiancé’s mother chose a different one and said she “always pictured her son’s bride in it.” The OP said her friends and mom were “shocked” by the comment and said the dress was not her style.

“I apologized and thanked her for her ‘vision’ but told her that I had already chosen a dress that I had ‘promised’ myself to wear to my wedding,” the message read.

‘Remember the dress’

When her fiancé came home later that day, he began to “rave” about how upset his mother was that she “rejected” her choice of clothing and “excluded her” from the experience.

The OP told her fiancé that she felt his mom should have no say in her dress at all, but he got mad and told the OP that her “attitude” wasn’t “working on him” or his mom.

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“He told me to consider the dress his mother wanted me to buy, especially knowing that ‘the two dresses weren’t that different after all,’ as she said,” the message read. “But I told him yes, they were different… like so much different.”

On Thursday, the OP said she came home to find her wedding dress was gone before later finding out that her fiancé gave it back in exchange for the dress his mother chose.

“I called him and he was clear about what he was doing and why he was doing it,” the message reads. “I lost it and started yelling at him. He asked me to calm down and really give this dress ‘a chance’.”

The two then argued again before she left and went to stay at a friend’s house. She then started receiving text messages and phone calls from her fiancé saying she was “overreacting” and that this is “his wedding too.”

“He went on and on about how his mother has a ‘vision’ and good intentions and just wants what’s best for me as her future daughter-in-law,” the message read. “Mom is furious and wanted to yell at him and his mother, but my father said it’s not worth ruining my relationship with my in-laws.”

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Rather, the OP’s dad suggested she “wake up” and “go with the flow”.

“Is it too much for me to be able to choose my own wedding dress without feeling guilty about it, just to keep the peace?” “AITA for my response?

Redditors Respond

Many who commented suggested that the OP let her fiancé about the situation.

“Give him the ring back… say ‘I hope you get the wedding you and your mom have always hoped for.’ Walk away,” commented one user.

“NTA. It’s good that this is happening now,” commented another user. “This is not a dynamic that will change with your fiancé or his mother. RUN.”

“Maybe his mom can wear it to the wedding and take your place,” commented another user.

“Be smart and run a mile. The next step is pick your honeymoon and go with it,” commented another user. “Run, run, run, run and run some more.”

“NTA, sensible response: call off the wedding,” commented one user. “Comedy response: Take his suit back and trade it for a clown outfit. And your dad is being ridiculous too.”

Newsweek reached out to u/Throwaway9757657 for comment.

Other viral posts

In another viral Reddit post this week, one bride was criticized for lying to a guest about children at the wedding, while another was backed in July for keeping her cousin away from her wedding.

In addition, earlier this month, a woman was praised for “upstaging” an insecure bride at her wedding.


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